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I think most people who have had herpes for a few years know this too.The only people who ask me about herpes dating sites have just been diagnosed and are still daunted by the idea of disclosing—a fear I encourage them to tackle instead of pursuing these trap door dating sites.The relationships that start with the premise “Hey I’ve got herpes too, let’s get a drink!” are usually short and predicated on nothing more than a false sense of familiarity. It’s time to talk about herpes dating websites and how much I hate them.These websites enable the self-segregation of the H community in a way that I believe contributes to our invisibility and inertia. Some of these websites claim to empower their customers.Having a minor skin condition in common is a shoddy foundation for a healthy relationship.I’ve dated people with herpes and I’ve dated people without it.

Not to mention these products are often cheap and tacky. Herpes dating apps rely on, profit from and contribute to the social stigma that I am absolutely against. Creating a dating app only for people with herpes feeds into the prejudice that people with STIs shouldn’t date people without STIs.This is a play for legitimacy and access to my platform, and I’m super done with it.As soon as a company like Truster starts talking about how they’re going to eradicate herpes stigma in a naïve and ignorant Medium post, I need to play bad cop. Let me be very clear: I will never endorse an STI dating site. STI dating services would make great hacking targets in an online landscape where vigilante justice is all the rage and people with STIs are unsympathetic victims (whaddup, Ashley Madison). But here’s the big, huge, important fucking reason I’ll never support a herpes dating service: these products contribute to herpes stigma. A booming app industry in Silicon Valley means that new STI dating services pop up every few months, and a cursory Google search means that their marketing team, or their founder, or their intern, quickly discovers me. As time goes on and stigma lessens, there will be less of a demand for these services.

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