Dear prudence am i dating a swinger

So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.So with your couples therapist there to mediate, tell him your marriage is either open or closed.He told our therapist that every time I hooked up with someone, he was retraumatized because it reminded him of the time I broke up with him for six months 20 years ago.I agreed to a monogamous relationship, and I've gone a year without hooking up with anyone else.

But almost immediately, he began talking about how he wanted to hook up with others. I feel tremendous guilt for even thinking about splitting up, so I keep hoping we'll stumble on the thing that will work for us.

People are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, and convincing ourselves that our partners can't handle the truth is often a convenient justification for lying to them. While my husband had jealousy and trust issues, he hooked up with others regularly.

But on the off chance it would crush your wife to be told everything, just tell her about Ms. After a few tense years, we started couples therapy.

But if an eroticized power imbalance—an honestly erotized one—doesn't turn you on, the creepily manipulative arrangement your husband is proposing certainly isn't going to work.

Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.

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