Dating someone in aa recovery
And second, it’s much easier to date someone who speaks the same language.” Bryan thinks about it for a second before adding, “Some will say it’s two mentally ill people going out with each other, but I think many of us that are sober can work through our disease in order to have a healthy relationship.” According to Melody Anderson, a family and addiction expert in Los Angeles, if both parties are working a solid program of recovery, they can have even better chances than non-alcoholics of a successful partnership.
“All relationships are difficult—that’s just a fact,” she says.
“The minute I start trying to control things is the minute that it stops working,” she says.
“I just have to remind myself that I am not the Grand Designer of this world; if I was, I would stop famine in Africa, end all war, and make my boyfriend hang up his clothes every night.
The issue is to put a pause between the frustration and anger before going to the person [we’re angry at]. I still call my friends from the program—even if it’s just to bitch and complain.”“If each person is working their own program, whatever that means for them, a lot of things can go more easily,” says Dr. “There’s more opportunity for balance—with money, with how they spend their time.I know some couples for whom relapse is a deal breaker. For a long-term relationship in the program, you’re probably going to see the best success when one or both partners have at least five years sober and when they both have a sponsor, a network of friends in recovery, and have worked the 12 steps.Ultimately, it’s all about narrowing the odds.” While she adds that “two people with 30 days sober might make it, chances are, they will need more time and to have gone through the program to find a healthy relationship.”Anderson agrees, explaining, “There is always the timing element.She is also 23 years sober and married to a fellow sober alcoholic.As she explains, “The biggest challenge in sober relationships is allowing the person to work their own program and not trying to control what they do even when we think we know what’s in their best interest.
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There’s an old joke in recovery circles that goes: how do you know when a date between two sober alcoholics has gone well?